Street Lights

Play this while you read it.



It hits me every time. It never gets old. It brings back a feeling that no other song can.

For years I was pursuing my dreams to be a dancer. Many, many hard hours of blood, sweat, and tears. Dedication, injury, and overall putting everything I had into it. In 2009 I was finally moving forward. I got accepted into a world famous school for dance in New York City, and was ready to propel myself towards the castles I built in the sky.

Things didn't unfold the way I wanted to though.

The situations that befell me, along with my own insanity, left me in a very doubtful and depressed state. Second guessing oneself became my narrative.

I remember the many times I was by myself in the streets at night walking through Manhattan, numb to all of the lights in times square passing by. So many times on those walks I'd wish I met someone to tell me something I needed to hear, or make some friends I hit it off with, or have some glorious moment of serendipity and happiness that would pull me out of the ruts of self-doubt.

But it never happened.

My living situation wasn't too good, so I'd almost always avoid going home until about 3 am every night. I was always out in the streets looking for a thrill, but never found one that fed my soul.

New York had chewed me up and spit me out. I didn't swim, I sank.

Upon returning to L.A. I was unable to enroll back into college or get a job, and not making the auditions I hoped to get into, there wasn't really much going for me.

Driving up highland on the way to a rehearsal in Hollywood, I heard "Street Lights" for the first time.

The paint on the pavement began to illuminate itself and directed me in a direction uncommon to most Los Angeles commuters. The sun was setting and the reflections all around me began to shine ever more brightly. I rolled open the sunroof and let the Pacific Breeze begin to take me.

The beat dropped as traffic lights started to become replace by trees. Instead of office buildings, I saw cliffs and moss-covered boulders with melted snow pouring down its edges, flooding the lawns of rich Hollywood abodes. As the streams flowed down dirty gutters, cars began to hydroplane and float into the the tangerine sky.

Every time I turned my head, man made structures were being rented out by nature's beauty. Fenced-in parks became entries into a forest's wilderness. Freeway overpasses were merely fallen Redwood trees. Pedestrian homosapiens reverted back to deer and squirrels.

The sunroof expanded until there was no roof at all. Smoothly, I transitioned to the back of a taxi that I knew was taking me to my destination. The driver knew of all the work I put into reaching my dreams, and the unfair experiences I've had on the way. Every 808 drum beat was synchronized with my heart's. Every snare added detail to the spirit's mountain forest wilderness. An open wide countryside was illustrated by the melody Kanye was so subtly singing along to.

Reaching for my wallet to check how much money I had, I realized there were no numbers or prices on the driver's dashboard. Just a video playing of those lonely walks through New York streets, those lonely drives along Los Angeles highways, the countless dance classes and attempts to make such movements second nature to me, the muscle relaxers and painkillers on late nights behind dance studios, the many shots straight from the bottle alone in my room.

That was my fare.

The second verse dropped in heavily just in time for the vehicle to be completely free from the city's desperate enterprises--fully immersed into the earth's untouched beauty. We passed by a sea of memories as the blue sat so pretty west of the highway. Tunnels extended under granite cliffsides, exposing the lying and cheating I've done to get ahead in my career.

Angel's voices from the song replaced the noise of the car's engine. Each tree that cascaded over my head reminded me of every seed I planted, every thought that became something real.

Peace became me.

Leaves started to fall. At first there were only a few of them, but over time they almost seemed to rain down on the road. The dings of the music melody started to knock down the trees at random. All of the vegetation was rotting away. The bridges we passed had begun to crumble at the foundations.

Each bassline shook the mountains, creating a rockfall in which one had landed in front of the car. Dodging it, the taxi drifted, and a blazing fire began to kindle the forest behind us. As the car spun out of control, smoke rose into the sky, filling it with darkness.

We gained control of the car but the clouds of smoke from the burning trees made it impossible for us to see anything. It entered my lungs. I leaned back and coughed out millions of stars into the sky. It was night time now.

The painting on the street pavement was glowing. Street lights appeared. At first maybe one of two, then dozens, then hundreds. When the smoke had disintegrated, shining office buildings rose over the road; it widened for cars to drift in from above me and refill street with commuters. Our cab's roof began to close back up and cover a sky that once seemed so open.

Deers and squirrels rapidly evolved to become human pedestrians. Man-made structures were rebuilt over the boulders and hills that once rolled through the landscape

The drums faded away and it was just the melody playing. I was in the driver's seat now. Going up Highland on the way to my rehearsal in Hollywood. A new hope had filled my heart as the city's lights glowed ever more brightly through the cracked windshield.

I looked at my radio and saw Kanye West's album playing: Street Lights from 808s & Heartbreaks.

Thank you Kanye.