Buddha In The Passenger Seat

So I've been working with my friend once  a week to help me out, and one thing I really wanted to work out was my road rage. I started becoming increasingly aware of this after a road rage encounter I had today, and during some of my withdrawals, I noticed I could be having a good day, then immediately after I got in my car I would start feeling angry, agitated, and agressive.

I could go a whole day at work with nothing but present and sound thoughts, but the moment I'd get in my car the thoughts would immediately turn ugly.

I'll admit it, I'm an aggressive driver. I know the fastest way to get to where I'm going, and will settle at nothing but getting there as quick as possible. People say weaving through traffic only saves about 5 minutes, but when you do about 20-30 of those manuevers, you can get places at least half an hour earlier than those suckers sitting in bumper to bumper.

I got my freeway patterns down to a science, but I always feel tense when the streets don't flow the way I've predetermined them to. I make lefts right when the light turns green if oncoming traffic isnt accelerating fast enough, I go around people that aren't making rights at red lights like they're supposed to, I sweep through freeway exit lanes just to weave back in when it ends, I fuck around on the right turn only lane just to weave in while going through the intersection. Yellow lights? Lol, more like ultra-fast green lights.

I cut off the fuckers driving to slow in the far left lane, I weave between lanes depending on which exits I pass and knowing how the flow of traffic changes depending on freeway merges, congested entrances, etc. I get mad when pussies stop at yellow lights. Lol someone trying to cut me off in a zipper merge? Have fun getting damage to your BMW, I'm just in my bucket?

People waiting in line to get off the freeway? Lol I just sweep up to the front and cut everybody off when some sucker isnt paying attention and leaves me a gap to swerve on it.


Trust me, I'm legit about it. I never slowdown traffic, I never put anyone at risk, and I never cause anyone to slam their brakes or honk they're horns.


I see people trying to do such maneuvers, and when they do it wrong it pisses me off. But when I see other people driving like me I think "that guy is cool". Actually, us aggressive drivers can spot each other out on the road, and even race each other sometimes.

Paramedic coming by when I'm late to my interview? Time to tailgate.

But like I said before, there's some people who do it right with smoothness, and other morons who do it wrong and fuck up the flow of traffic and almost hit people.

I also get very frustrated with Asians, are they oblivious to everything going on? Older mexican woman, how do they get a license? Old people, seriously, old people should get retested every so many years. And of course the list goes on.

I get pissed when people go too slow, or don't pay attention, or let people in front of them, or don't turn, or can't park for shit. I get upset when I'm in the passenger seat of friends who cant drive for shit, which is why I always offer to drive.

But I realised, I really need to calm the fuck down when I drive. Most of these habits came from always being late to things. My therapist talked about how we can sometimes get addicted to stress, and In a way, I enjoy the power of being in my vehicle, and ruling the road, and being efficient at driving, and having that pressure to race to work.

It even links to my childhood. I remember being in the passenger seat with my dad stuck in traffic, wishing he would be more aggressive so we would get where were going already. Change lanes, go down the exit lane, drive faster, do something so we don't have to sit in this bullshit. The only salvation we got was the carpool lane, but this was back in the 90s when such only existed on like 2 freeways. So when I got my car, I made sure I never had to drive like a slow bitch again.

Even when I'm not late for anything, I still try to get where I'm going as fast as possible, it's not a good habit. I get really tense when I drive, especially listening to hyper-stimulating music, and being behind the wheel gives me a sense of power.

So I realize i need to let go of such a need for power. To see drivers not as opponents on the road, but simply as people, not cars, all working together to get where they're going. I need to leave earlier and get into better habits, so I don't have to drive that way all the time, and resist the desire to have the pressure of such stress. We all like a little bit of pressure, it pushes us to do things and creates an external motivator.

I see that my ego gets puffed up when on the road, and a problem with such tension is that it never gets released--I just sit there and it all gets stored in my body, so by the time I get where I'm going, I'm exhausted and grumpy. So I'm going to embrace a different kind of power: not the power to be aggressive, but rather the power to be passive. The power to let someone in front of me without it making me rage. The power not to need to get road-revenge when someone does a move I don't like. The power to be okay with being present where I'm at, and not needing  the stimulus of a hurry to allow me to feel impowered.

I conjured up this image of Buddha in the passenger seat. I asked, if buddha were driving with me, what would he say? How would he respond to traffic? What would he do in response to this or that driver? And honestly I've felt a lot more calm the last few days while driving, though I can't admit it's fully dissipated. It probably won't, being in Los Angeles, but I can at least try to control the way I react to things. I look forward to practice such action-not-reaction mindfulness while driving.