Forward Movement 2

Damn. I've been so busy I haven't even had time to update this shit. For real. I might even have to cut reddit out my life because there just aren't enough hours in the day. For really.

Let's See How I done so far

• Haven't Smoked in 56 days DAMN! and dont plan on smoking any time soon
• Haven't looked at porn or fapped in 16 days (trying to beat my record for 42 days, but the goal is 90, or better yet, getting a girlfriend and just banging her brains out instead)
• Dove into studying again. Caught up on my classes, and look forward to actually getting ahead soon.
• Developed a better habit of showing up early to appointments. 
• Have followed a strict diet and have commited to it pretty strongly for about two weeks. I feel good and looking forward to sticking to it. 
• Started listening to audiobooks instead of aggressive hip hop when I drive.
• Stayed consistent with my workouts, added hypertrophy exercises to compound ones
• Started going to sleep earlier
• Am building a habit of meditating in the morning
• I stopped gaming, got rid of my gaming pc and switched to a laptop instead, which I'm feeling as I can study anywhere, not in my room and keep myself awake (I should go to sleep soon though, like, now).
• Have been making more connections at my Viacom internship and getting cool with people there.

I gotta say I have a lot more energy, and I'm needing every ounce of it. More things are happening for me. I still haven't really made solid friends or dated anyone, so I do spend time alone, but the time alone is being well spent. I'm getting to know myself a lot more. I've been developing and evaluating myself a lot more. I feel alot more socially forward, more confident, and more outgoing, yet a lot more focused on my priorities. I speak stronger, stand taller, and have better conversations. Since I stopped fapping I've been getting more numbers, and feel a lot more drive and focus. 

With sex being the biggest goal for most male humans, there's not much motivation after orgasm has already been achieved. But yo, when that sex drive is building up inside of you, lots of power, both physically and mentally, can be honed and used. I've been making connections, and determined to keep doing so as I recover myself and get my life back.

Shit, I even went to a breaking class the other day, and reconnected with some dancer I used to know. I even knew how to do the steps like I never stopped. I definately need to keep dropping weight and get back into cardio eventually cause I thought my heart was gonna explode.

Meditating has been helpful, and bringing more awareness into my body. I've been seeing a therapist to help me use such meditations to help me as well. 

Looking forward to getting my 60 day badge from Marijuana Anonymous soon. 

I've yet to have time to be creative aside from rapping and freestyling. I want to find some time to at least write poetry or something, but damn, I'm just so busy. 

I also made a decision not to watch porn at all anymore, even if I dont fap. It just ends up making me horny as fuck all day and may eventually lead into temptation to touchy-touchy. This is also no-scale march, so no weighing myself, just commiting to diet and exercise when I can find the time. I was doing this thing called intermittent fasting, but I'm not sure it's good for me to go to such extremes right now with I'm dealing so much. Fasting, although it makes me much more mentally clearer, has also made me more moody and caused me to have more mood swings.

I look forward to doing more to work with my anger, and fears. I finished my anger book and look forward to doing more reading soon. I also bought a moleskine that I'll be using to write goals, visions, plans, determinations and keep track of myself. A Goal Journal.

 It feels good to be making progress, and I continue to keep going hard, and keep exploding into light so that my consciousness may shine upon any darkness that lurk within.

Goodnight!